Everything changes
by risksomething.gaineverything
Summary: After the shooting, Maura's different what will happen discover inside the story :)
1. Chapter 1

Leaving causes coming back with a new past

JANE'S POV

Smiling, a thing that everyone knows how to do, but lately I haven't seen her smile, she just stares, she nods, she even answers my questions, but emotions completly left out. Like right now, we are in the morgue, Frost is talking with her, but I can't stop looking into those empty eyes, what's going on I ask myself. I can see that Frost feels like something is wrong. He knows that Maura has always been cold during examining the bodies, but this is cold as ever. She starts cutting into the body, her hands are shaking but she is trying to hide it. Then I hear something that gets me out of my thoughts!

„Jane are you with us?"

„Yes, Maura, I just dozed off, what's up, something new about the body?"

„The path of the bullet is not right, If the John Doe tried to kill himself , the bullet should be up in his torso, but it's down in his lower abdomen."

„So you are saying that we have a murder instead of a suicide?"

„I'm saying the facts Jane, but this wound indicates that he was killed by someone who was at least a feet away from him, and not just as tall as the victim was!"

„This is great Maur! I gotta go, see you later, lunch?

MAURA'S POV

I should probably say :yes Jane see you at lunch, but something tells me that I wouldn't be able to deal with her now, I should say no, but I can't lie, what lie can I tell to make her believe?

„Sure Jane, I'll see you at lunch"

With those words said, Maura turned and went to her office, Jane just turned and left also.

Frost ran after Jane, and asked:

„Rizzoli wait up"

„What Frost?"

„Nothing, I was just wondering what's up with Doc, she acts weird, even weirder than usual.?"

„I think I am the wrong person to be asked that question, I honestly have no idea, since the shooting three months ago nothing has been the same. Frost I think she changed, I mean inside, she is not the same Maura, I don't know why, but I feel like she wants to go away from all of us, she avoids every situation we are in! I don't know what to do, I tried everything Frost" Jane started sobbing a little but she realized this is not the time nor the place to cry. She collected her thoughts and said:

„Frost help me, help her, talk to her, maybe she will talk to you!"

„Jane, listen, I'll talk to the Doc, but you should also, talk with her at lunch, ask her what is going on, and if she doesn't respond, I'll do my part of the job and ask her as a friend."

„Thank you Barry, thanks lot, listen I gotta go, see you later!

„Bye Jane, good luck"

With that Jane stormed out off the headquarters.

Jane looked at her watch, and noticed there is only 5 minutes left until Maura comes upstairs to have lunch with her. She started fidgeting, but as she saw Maura arriving, she calmed down.

„Hello Jane" said Maura not looking into Jane' s eyes.

„Hey Maur, wait a second I am almost ready for our lunch."

Maura waited shifting her weight from another heel to another nervously.

„All done, where are we going?"

I was thinking that Yoghurt deli around the corner, seems rather interesting. Maura said as she turned and headed for the doors to exit the building , not waiting if Jane was following.

Jane noticed Maura leaving, and ran after her.

„Hei Maura, wait up, are you that hungry or you just don't want to go with me by your side" Jane asked as she caught up with her.

„I have no problem having you by my side Jane and you know that!, To answer your previous question, no Jane I am not that hungry, even though I don't know what does _that hungry_ refer to, but as I recall you invited me to lunch, so you are probably hungrier than I." Maura said as she started pacing even faster to the deli.

„Hei, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, let's just go."Jane said as she looked into ME's eyes which were cold, black, without glow!

„This little place looks rather nice" Maura said as she sat in a chair.

„Yes, it looks, hmm, cosy, a little too bright, but it's okay." Jane said not really caring about the fucking lunch and where they are"

„So, what shall we ord"…ME started talking but was cut off by Jane.

„Listen, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like everything is just perfect, I invited you to talk with you, I have a lot of things to say, but first I would like to ask you, Maura what is up with you, you've been acting different since the shooting, and i just don't know why, have I done something to upset you, or.. „

„Jane" Maura interupted Jane's speach, „This is actually best timing for bringing up the subject of me being different, I need to tell you something, that I have been keeping inside a little after the shooting, but I think now it's the time to say it: Jane I'm leaving!"

„What"?!Jane glared at Maura with her eyes wide open.

„I'm leaving, Jane because… Maura sighed and stopped not wanting to tell her why she is leaving, and not wanting to get into further discussion.

„Maura you can't do this, why, I don't understand, you have to tell me what's wrong I can fix it, trust me I can, just tell me, I am you best friend." Jane said her eyes tearing up a little, she grabbed a hand of Maura not wanting to let her go . „I love you Maura, you can't leave now, I love you , I'm in love with you, I invited you to tell you this, c'mon Maur, don't leave we can work it out, whatever is bothering you, don't run away, don't shut me out."

„ Jane, please, calm down, when I leave, you'll see that everything will be better, You and me, we are never going to happen, I know you love me, I love you too, so much I can barely breathe when you are around me but I can barely breathe when you are not around me, I can't sleep at night without thinking about you, I can't do my job without wanting to kiss you all the time, that's why I have to go, this is not healthy, our love is not healthy, I don't mean just woman to woman love, I mean we are so much involved that I won't be able to live if something happens to you, and you will not want to be with me when you find out what I've done. But that's for another conversation, I'm leaving Jane, and the decision is final!" Maura said all this getting up from the table and leaving the restaurant.

Jane just sat there sobbing and not believing what just happened. She's gone Jane thought, she is really gone, I've lost her. My life is done, simply done! Maura I'll always love you, no matter where you are, you are and always will be in my heart, Jane said to herself as she exited the restaurant alone.

_4 and a half years later_

„Shoot" said Maura as she exited the aeroplane that just landed in Boston after fourteen months of absence, her bags droped and opened in the middle of the airport. „This just has to happen to me"

„Mommy mommy, I'll help you" said little girl as she sat next to Maura and started collecting all the stuff.

„Thank you darling, I think you deserved an ice cream, what do you say, shall we take vanilla and chocolate?" asked Maura kissing her daughter on the forhead.

„Hmm I think I want strawberry this time" girl said smiling

„Then Jane, strawberry it is" Maura said as she rememberd standing here 4 and a half years ago with her Jane, her best friend, crying, and saying goodbye for the last time.

„Mommy, wake up", we have to go, taxi is here"

„Take my hand baby" Maura said and they entered the taxi and drove to her old house.

„Woow, magic house, mommy Is this our hom? asked little Jane with her eyes shining and wide

„Yes It is, but it isn't hom it is home sweetheart" Maura said smiling at her daughters wide smile

They entered Maura's old home, and everything from the past came back in a flash, Maura could almost see Jane standing in the kitchen drinking beer and cooking Italian food. That memory brought a smile on her face.

„Janey go wash your hands, I will make some dinner. I'll show you the bathroom"

After eating Maura put Jane in the bed, and started looking at her cell thinking about calling Jane's old number or even BPD to see what is new with all of them. She started dialing and then it rang, once, twice, three times, now Maura thought, maybe Jane can see who is calling so she doesn't want to answer. She just wanted to hang up when a husky voice answered:

„Rizzoli"

„He..Hello Jane" Maura said her voice shaking

„Maura?" What the hell, where are you Maura, is everything alright?" Jane asked angry but concerned about her former friend.

„No, I mean yes everything is fine, I just came back to Boston, and I thought it would be nice to hear from you, but this is not a good idea, bye Jane" Just as she was about hang up.

„No, wait, Maura don't hang up, I want to see you" With those words said Jane wanted to punch herself, what was she thinking, how can she even deal with Maura after that much time.

„Sure Jane, say when and where, and we'll be there."

„Tomorrow at 7 pm, Dirty Robber, and what do you mean WE'll be there."

„Okay see you then Jane, and I will explain everything tomorrow, goodbye Jane. Maura said as she hung up the phone leaving Jane completly speechless.

It's 7 pm, and I am sitting in the Robber, at my and Maura's favourite table, what was I thinking yesterday, why do I want to see her so bad after 4 years of her being gone, does she even look the same? What the hell did she mean by WE, is she married, was she talking about her husband? Those were all questions that crossed Jane's mind just before she saw a honey blonde entering. Her heart stopped for a second but it started beating again as the blonde said something.

„Hello Jane" Maura said with a forced smile not really sure what to expect in return, rudeness or politeness from Jane.

„Hi Maura, sit down, I already ordered you a glass of Chardonnay if that is what you are drinking these days anyway? Jane asked not expecting an answer.

„Thank you Jane,but I have to go back to the restroom, I will return in a second.

„hmm okay" Jane said as she took a sip of her beer.

After 2 minutes Maura came back holding hands with a little girl that looked exactly like Maura but a smaller and younger version.

„Janey say hi to Jane" Maura said as she introduced her daughter to her friend, ex friend, even Maura didn't know what they were now.

„Hello, my mom told me I have your name because you have your name Jane" Little girl said as she smiled widely"

„Hello beautiful, really I didn't know you got your name from me" hell I didn't even know Maura has a daughter, hell I didn't even know she was pregnant Jane thought.

„Yes and mom loves you plenty much, isn't that true mommy?" Little girl said as she and Maura sat down across Jane.

„Yes darling that's is indeed true, I love Jane very much, I always have" Maura said looking deep into Jane's eyes, but Jane looked away then into the little girl.

„How old are you Janey"?

„I am 4" Janey showed on her hand

„Oh, 4, you are a big girl then"

„Yes she is" Maura said not wanting to make Jane uncomfortable anymore by talking to her daughter because she knew Jane isn't good with children, at least she wasn't before.

„, Janey I need you to cover your ears for a second and count out loud" Jane said smiling at a girl „ It's a game I love to play"

Janey agreed nodding and started counting with her hands on her ears, she only knew how to count to 5 but she didn't mind doing it.

„Maura, how come she is 4 years old, and you left four years and six months ago from Boston, were you pregnant when you left?" Jane asked a little bit angry

„Yes Jane, I was pregnant that is one reason I had to leave, I just couldn't face you after the shooting and tell you that I am pregnant when we just started to discover our feelings for eachother, the shooting, feelings surrounding it, and pregnancy, it was all just to much to bare, and you know I am no good with opening myself and letting anyobdy in. I loved you Jane, I still do, but I knew you weren't ready to raise a child with me, so I needed to leave and let you leave your life." Maura said tears developing in her eyes.

„Jesus Maura, why didn't you just tell me the truth, we could have raised her together, Maura you knew, you fucking knew I loved you , and you just left, we could have been a family right now, sitting here, drinking beer and having fun with our little girl, but no you decided what's best for both of us. Dammit Maura who gives you the right to decide in my name. „ Jane was starting to cry so she just stopped so that little Janey doesn't see her.

„Jane, I loved you so much back then, i still do, but as I said, it was all becoming too much for me, those emotions were hard to bare, I needed to distance myself from you, Jane if I didn't leave and if we even stayed together as a couple raising Janey, I would kill myself If something ever happened to you on a line of duty, you are a detective Jane, you risk your life every day, it's hard to live like that knowing that you might not come home to us one day. Trust me Jane, this was for the best, now if you don't mind I think I am going to leave, Janey needs to sleep" Maura said getting up from the table, but weird for Jane to see was that Maura had no tears in her eyes at all, her composure cold and still._, but little did Jane know what happened to Maura , Maura had none of the real tears left, they were wasted during all of those years for something that Jane isn't yet prepared to hear. _

„Wait Maura, let me at least drive you home or something, It's late" Jane said also getting up and putting some cash on the table.

„Fine" Maura said taking her daughter's hand and exiting the Robber.

Ten minutes lasted a drive that can be considered as the most silent, weird and difficult drive in the world ever. Jane thought as she pulled infront of Maura's house.

„Thank you Jane, goodnight" Maura said as she tried to take Janey into her hands, the little girl was asleep so it was a little bit hard not to wake her with moving her.

„Here let me help you with her, you hold the doors, I'll get her in, I'm stronger anyway" Jane said with a slight smile.

They entered the house, and Jane put the little girl in Maura's room, giving her a goodnight kiss on the forehead.

„Jane, would you like a beer or a glass of wine"? Maura asked not really wanting from Jane to accept but just to be polite she needed to ask.

„Sure, beer would be fine" Jane said as she sat by the counter staring at Maura's shaking hands that were trying to open the bottle.

Just as Maura was about to give Jane her bottle, Jane noticed something on Maura's left hand, as her shirt pulled up a little bit. Concerned she asked:

„What the hell Maur, what's that on your hand?" Jane asked as he pulled Maura's sleeve up a little more, what she saw was awful.


	2. Chapter 2

„Maur what is that on your hand and don't tell me it's nothing, because this is not nothing" Jane said looking into Maura's cuts some healed and some not, but they were huge and some looked very nasty.

„Jane" Maura sighed, she didn't want Jane to see this, she didn't know what to say so she just had to lie, something that she has gotten pretty good at.

„These are from a long time ago, I was depressed when I left and this was the way I found myself expressing all my emotions, but don't worry I am all done with it now." Maura offered a smile when she said that, even though it didn't reach her eyes.

„Okay if you stopped then.. I ..I guess it's okay" Jane said sensing that there's more to this story than what Maura told her.

Maura easily took her hand away from Jane's and turned around not wanting Jane to notice that she just told her a half truth.

„How come you gave your daughter my name"? Jane suddenly asked

„I thought it was appropriate because you and her are only persons that matter to me and I wanted something to remind me of you" Maura said washing the dishes.

„Hmm okay, so tell me, what's new in your life, except for the obvious" Jane said smirking

„My life doesn't matter Jane, I live just for my daughter" When Maura said this, Jane flinched, she was taken aback by Maura's emotionless voice, like she isn't even alive.

„What are you talking about, ofcourse you matter, I mean your daughter is the most important thing but you can't let her be the only thing that keeps you going through life, hell Maura what has gotten into you? Where's that woman who was excited just by doing a Y incision to a dead body. Maura you worry me."

„You mean where is the person that nobody except you liked, where is the person called Queen of the dead, where is the person that got hives from lying, the person who can't control her amygdal functions?" Well Jane, she is gone, and I am afraid she will never come back" Maura exited the kitchen.

„Jane I am exhausted, could we perhaps continue this some other time?"

„Ofcourse Maura, hei just one more question, will you come back to BPD? I mean to work?"

„I will , yes, I am starting in the morning, so if you'll excuse as I said, I am exhausted and in a need of a good sleep. Goodnight Jane" Maura said walking to her bedroom

„Goodnight Maura, see you tomorrow" Jane said exiting Maura's house and thinking how awkward ti will be when they all start working together again, especially now, when Maura is all misterious and weird. Jane is not sure if the guys or even her mother will get used to this new Maura, lifeless Maura!

MAURA'S POV

„Thank god she left" Maura said to herself, she entered her room, and than went to the bathroom but when she saw herself in the mirror an image of the man that changed her life appeared and she screamed a little but quickly recovered not wanting to wake her daughter. As she realized nobody is behind her, she turned to stare againt at her pale and for her ugly face, she couldn't take it anymore, she opened the cabinet, took a razor and made a cut on her left hand next to the others. She knew she said to Jane that she stopped doing this, but that was a big lie, she did this almost every night before sleeping, or during the night when she wakes up in sweat from the nightmares. The scene oft he blood was making her dizzy but she continued because one cut won't do it, two cuts are not dangerous but are far better than just one. So she made the other one and put the razor down. Now she felt easy, her heart slowdown a little bit, and she started getting even more tired, she layed on the bed and quickly drifted to a restless sleep not even bothering to cover up her wounds because she knew if she stops the blood it will not feel this good.

_One year ago_

„_Maura let's go out tonight, celebrate, have a few drinks just to relax, ha what do you say friend? Said Janice, Maura's good friend that helped her a lot when she moved from Boston into a new city. _

„_Hmm I am not really sure, I can't leave Janey alone, she is too young to be left alone at night, maybe some other time?" Maura questioned even though she knew that that other time Janice will also be turned down. _

„_No, I don't take a no for an answer, call a sitter, pay her more and we are going out!" _

„_Janice, I can't , nobody will come to sitter her, it's a short notice and I don't trust everyone with my Janey"_

„_I have a friend that sitters sometimes, she is my good friend and very good with children, wait a second I'll call her" Janice took her cellphone out and started calling the person, they talked for about 30 seconds._

„ _All set, she'll be at your house around 9 pm , I'll come with her, she stays , we Maur , we go out! Janice said smiling_

„_Okay" Maura sighed_

„_See you tonight Janice"_

„_See ya Maur" _

_That night they went out, they came into a club called „Turn" , it was a club for woman and man her age, maybe more maybe less. Around 1 am Maura and Janice hit the dance floor, they were pretty drunk because drinking 8 shots of tekila each and cut it with a beer will do that to you. Maura needed to use the bathroom and she left without Janice who was having fun with some guys and girls around her. As she entered the bathroom she didn't notice a man coming after her. Before she could enter the stall he grabbed her arm pushed her in and closed the door behind him. She didn't see his face because he wore sunglasses that covered his face almost completely, he put his hand on her mouth so she couldn't scream, she tried to resist but he was so much stronger. He punched her in the stomach twice and took a knife out of his pocket, he put it on her neck made a cut just to warn her if she screams or tries to escape it will go much deeper next time, he started taking her clothes of, and Maura was just feeling like she was fainting, everything was a blur, she wanted to scream but suddenly she fainted and next what she heard were voices! Hurry up, she is beaten pretty badly, page doctor Johnson and tell a nurse to bring a rape kit. „Miss can you hear me" You are going to get through this" she heard someone say before she everything went black again. _

MAURA'S POV

Great, another dream about that, but at least it's 6 am and time to get ready for the first day at work. At least I don't have to sleep anymore. Maura thought to herself as she got up from the bed and went to check on her daughter. Janey was sleeping soundly and the nanny should be in any minute. Maura got dressed when the sitter came she just exited the house and went to work because from all the waiting she was sure she was going to be late on her first day. As she was entering BPD she was sure everyone would notice her and she tried to mentally prepare herself for all the exhausting questions. First she saw Angela…


End file.
